May 14, 2008
Hello Stranger!
It is really sad the way I have let this little site of mine languish. There has been tons going on, but so much of it feels really personal and not ripe for sharing. That said there have been a few happenings that are worth mentioning.
Micah is turning 23 this week and that makes me feel very old! He is also investigating becoming a police officer. I have no doubts that he would be a good cop; compasionate, tough and honest. The idea stinks of irony in my mind given the difficulties the legal system has created for him in the past, but I know he can do it well if that's what he wants.
Dad (Micah's bio-Dad, my step-dad) has stopped drinking. It's been two months and I am really happy for him. I am keeping my expectations low given our history but I am just really pleased with the idea of Dad attending Coutrney's (Micah's other sister) impending high school graduation sober. But keep in mind, Dad has been drinking heavily nearly everyday for 30+ years. Since he has gone cold turkey he realized that he actually feel like an 85 year old. 2 years ago at my wedding he had trouble navigating the steps to enter the ceremony. Walking had become increasingly difficult and then last week he was having trouble sleeping and breathing. Then a miracle happened. Dad decided to go see a doctor. Now, Dad hasn't seen a medical professional in many, many years and has no health insurence. The good news is he is a Vet. So to the VA in West Virginia he went with Micah along for support. As you can probably guess he isn't a well man. What we know for sure is that he has congestive heart faliure. There are probably several other things wrong with him as well but I haven't heard news on any of that yet. I don't know how bad it is, or what is going to happen next. I do know that Courtney is graduating soon and I really hope he is there to see it.
I still have optic nerve swelling and I am still on medication to manage it. What I havn't done is lose any weight since the diagnosis which is the number 1 thing I should be doing. I did have a great appointment with a new GP this morning, she is young, spunky and well informed. A far cry from the distracted and quack-ish doc I was seeing previously. Oh, yeah and this one is conveniently located! Like night and day. This office also has an in-house dietician. I think I need to make an appointment.
Did I mention that Mom's Beau (the one who did all that work on our house) is still in jail? What, I didn't tell you about that one? It's a long story that involves too much alcohol and a 100 mph car chase with the cops that ended with Beau in the hospital and then in jail. Yeah.
I took a health class this past semester because I thought I might want to become a nutritionist. I got an A but I am already over the nutrition idea. On to the next thing...
Incidentally, all of you folks who are happy in your work: did you just KNOW what you wanted to do? Or did you trip over it? Just wondering...
And finally, Flounder and I have booked a cruise in October that we are really looking forward to. Western Caribbean on the Disney Cruise Line. I know we don't have kids and stop laughing! We are going to have a great time!
I hope this entry is the start of more frequent blogging for me. I just realized I missed it!
Quote of the Day:
"I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts."
Bethania McKenstry
January 2, 2008
"It's Not A Tumor" Said Arnold-style
The MRI scan was an exciting test of endurance -- 40 minutes in a tube of coffin-like dimensions, with my eyes closed, trying not to cough (despite my head cold). It could have been worse, I guess. The results show that I am brain tumor free, which is excellent news. Now it is off to the Neurologist for an exam and a very exciting spinal tap, or as they say on House, Lumbar puncture! You can imagine that I am thrilled, THRILLED! Flounder has taken the 16th off to accompany me to my appointment and will surely be there to hold my hand. Wish me luck!
In association with the optic nerve swelling, I have started to have some really fun headaches. I am stocking up on pain killers and hoping for the best!
Quote of the Day:
Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; its when you had everything to do, and you've done it.
-Margaret Thatcher
December 27, 2007
Nothing Says "Merry Christmas" Like An MRI
Christmas was terrific! Despite a nasty cold (which I am just starting to get over), I had a lovely time connecting with family, sharing gifts and generally enjoying the season. I even managed to put my impending ophthamology appointment out of my mind. Eventually time caught up with me.
Last night I saw the ophthamologist, and he confirmed that yes, I do have swollen optic nerves, and I should have an MRI to rule out a brain tumor, and then regardless of the findings of the MRI, I will need to see a neurologist. It is most likely that I am tumor-free and instead I developed Pseudotumor cerebri (or Intracranial Hypertension) which means there is too much cerebrospinal fluid in your head, and there's no place for this fluid to go. The increased pressure from the cerebrospinal fluid is what could be causing the optic nerves to swell. At this point I am hoping against the tumor, for obvious reasons. The Intracranial Hypertension doesn't look like a walk in the park either. I happy to say that I am feeling pretty calm about the whole thing. Previously, I thought being well informed about my possible maladies was a bad idea, but after my appointment yesterday I have changed my mind. Better well informed and a little alarmed then uninformed and in the dark.
Tomorrow I will have the MRI done, and then we will go from there. The good news is, I am not in pain (Intracranial Hypertension usually comes with serious head-aches) and we have a plan action. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I get to the bottom of these issues.
Quote of the Day:
There is much to support the view that it is clothes that wear us and not we them; we may make them take the mould of arm or breast, but they would mould our hearts, our brains, our tongues to their liking.
-Virginia Woolf
August 29, 2007
Forgive Me Boys?
You know when you rediscover something that you Know is really great, but you somehow just lost track of it? I am very sad to say that this very thing happened to me. I lost track of Travis. After a little time with their new album, and about 20 or so plays of my current favorite song My Eyes these Scots are back in my life with a vengence. Welcome back boys!
So now as an act of penitence I will now devote some blog space to my Fran, Dougie, Neil and Andy.
My Eyes
Lovely Rita (cover)
Closer
Frankly, Dougie Payne is still the hotness. Sigh.
Quote of the Day:
Maybe then tomorrow will be Monday
And whatever's in my eye should go away
But still the radio keeps playing all the usual
And what's a Wonderwall anyway
- Travis, Writing to Reach You
April 12, 2007
Bummed
I knew it would happen eventually. Even when I first read Cat's Cradle in 9th grade, I knew that he couldn't live forever. I also knew that I would feel a loss when I knew he was gone. Thank you Kurt Vonnegut, for giving my a different way to look at the world.
Quote of the Day:
"And so it goes."
- Kurt Vonnegut
Bummed
I knew it would happen eventually. Even when I first read Cat's Cradle in 9th grade, I knew that he couldn't live forever. I also knew that I would feel a loss when I knew he was gone. Thank you Kurt Vonnegut, for giving my a different way to look at the world.
Quote of the Day:
"And so it goes."
- Kurt Vonnegut
December 28, 2006
One For My Baby, And One For The Road
I am continuing to have a delightful time giving things away. Today I have passed along 10 of the white paper parasols and 42 placecard frames left over from the wedding. These giveaways more then make up for the number of items I brought in over Christmas.
Speaking of...Christmas celebrations this year were different. We had all of the usual componants -- food, family, gifts, rest, chatting, cheering and even a little Jesus -- but they all seemed to arrive a bit out of order. Long story short I visited with about 35 members of our closest family, and it was good.
I love our very own Christmas tree so much this year we are keeping it up for an extra week. This means We have 9 more days of Christmas tree goodness.
Flounder and I are off of work until January 2nd, and it is good. We have spent a good deal of time shopping, cuddling with the cat and just hanging together. There has even been some cleaning, sorting and neatening up. In a desperate move Wednesday, I went and got a facial yesterday which was lovely, extractions aside. We got a terrific treat yeaterday as well when we had the pleasure of having lunch with G. Skinnee and his wife Lil' Skinnee. They were delightful and good times had by all. In short, vacation is the best.
Quote of the Day:
If you want to know your past, look into your present conditions.
If you want to know your future, look into your present actions.
--Buddhist Saying
November 7, 2006
Making It Stick
Yesterday I wrote about phoning in my assignments and participation for my current english class. Maryment posted this comment: "Do I need to point out your pattern of behavior of starting things strongly and then throwing in the towel abruptly and whole-heartedly???"
Maryment has hit the nail on the head with this one. I have a few characteristics and behavior patterns that really holds me back. The biggest one I have been struggling with over the last year or so is my tendancy to enthusiastically start a project, program or plan -- shouting my intentions from the rooftops, and then shortly thereafter drop the whole thing like it never happend. I even outlined the problem in relation to my weight loss struggles back in August.
Remember this?
"I start a new program and it's effective, I start to lose, and then I start to fiddle. I add in foods I am not supposed to have, or change the portion size. Why must I futz with a good thing? Lather, rinse, repeat -- no matter which plan I am on I repeat the same behavior."
I haven't gotten anywhere with this issue since that entry. Oh, I have mused on it and made plans to change. But really the plans are half my problem. Years ago when Ms. WAS and I were room mates, she pointed out that I spent a lot of time planning, but not much time doing. "Yeah, so?" I thought at the time. "I like to plan, so sue me." But her point was valid. Creating a plan (or making a list) makes me good about myself. Just look at all the things I will accomplish! I even feel pretty good when I start a project, but soon the reality of what it will take to complete the project sets in and I quit. It's not always about avoiding work though -- sometimes I just get distracted, or don't use my time well. Regardless of how it happens I am often thrown off track and end up wondering what ever happened to my beautiful plan. And really the plans are good, just a bit ambitious. Small goals seem so unrewarding (small goal, small reward) that I usually set Big Goals! Lose 100 pounds before the year is out! Reorganize my entire house using this new book! Start cooking dinner every night! These big goals usually end up being unsustainable. I get that, I really do, but the truely discouraging part is the little goals seem pretty hard to manage as well.
Why is so hard to keep the sink empty? The clothes off the floor? My desk clear of clutter? OK, I'll tell you, its the constant maintinance. Just about every area of my life requires constant tending. I realize I am not the only one who has to manage their lives on a day to day basis. So what am I getting at? I guess that keeping a life together and trying to be a better person is hard, never ceasing work and I don't always want to deal with it. And lately I have wanted to deal even less than usual.
So it's back to the drawing board. I guess I need a strategy for conquring this stuff...maybe I will make a list.
Quote of the Day:
It used to be that you came out of school, and you got married - those who were going to get married. But my peers are getting married in their early 30s, so now there's like this extra 10 years of that angst.
Zach Braff
(I told you I would bring the Angst did I not?)
