Wish To See

An Early Thanksgiving

There is nothing like a short intense illness to make a girl feel ridiculously thankful. Let's make a list!

1) I am thankful for my general good health. Now that I am gallbladder (and gallstone) free, and have returned to my previous state of (mostly) good health I am so grateful. It seems like a sin that I didn't recognize it before. I have been taking my ability to move through life (walking, sitting, laughing, talking) pain-free for granted, like most of us do. I hope I never loose sight of how precious and fragile good health is!

2) I am thankful for health insurance. Thanks to my excellent coverage Flounder and I won't be out more that a few hundred dollars for my 2 emergency room trips, surgery and hospitalization. Not to mention all the drugs (morphine drip!) and office visits. Without insurance, we would be thousands and thousands of dollars in debt right now.

3) I am grateful for my support system. Flounder & Mi Mama have been rocks through this entire ordeal. Friends and Family have kept a watchful eye on me with phone calls, emails, visits and message. My co-workers have completely covered for me, and even drove me to the hospital one afternoon during an attack at work. I know that I could call on any number of people in a moment of real need. How lucky am I?

4) I am grateful for trip insurance. This week Flounder and I were supposed to be on a cruise. The cruise we have been looking forward to for a year. We of course had to cancel in order to deal with the complications of my surgery. With out trip insurance, we would be out all the money we put into the trip. Now with a little luck, we can get most of it back!

5) I am grateful for October. I am amazed how quickly I was able to look on the sunny side of missing out on the cruise (for the moment) and turn my eye toward the joys of Fall. October it my favorite month and I can't wait to engage in all kinds of Autumny activities this weekend. RennFest? You bet! Pumpkin Picking? Of Course!

So Thanksgiving has come a little early for me this year. I am sure I will quickly get caught up in the re-planning of our trip, and the coming Christmas festivities, but in the meantime...I am just really happy to be who I am, where I am.

Quote of the Day:
The arrogance of the young is a direct result of not having known enough consequences. The turkey that every day greedily approaches the farmer who tosses him grain is not wrong. It is just that no one ever told him about Thanksgiving.
-Harry Golden

August Has Been Rough

Let's start small and work our way up. Upon visiting the dentist at the begining of the month, I was informed that I must be clenching my jaw as I slept because I am exerting enough pressure to crack my teeth. Cracking teeth at 29. Great. He offeres me a treatment option -- a dental night guard. How sexy. I guess that's better than cracking my teeth.

Then I went in for a scheduled colonoscopy (I will spare you the gorrey details.) The prep was extremely disgusting, don't let Katie Couric try to convince you otherwise. Other than the prep, the proceedure went well. I will need to have another test in a year and probably every few years for the rest of my life. So I have that torture to look forward too.

The same day I endured the colonoscopy I had a horrible gallstone attack! Those paying attention at home will remember that I had kidney stones a few years back that were amazingly painful. The gallstones were less bad, but it still meant a trip with the emergency room (two trips to the hospital in one day!) and a fair amount of pain. How many different kinds of stones can one person have? Wait, don't anwer that.

In a couple weeks I have a consultation with a surgeon to discuss removing the offending gallbladder. Yippee, surgery!

But I am not the only one dealing with health fun this month. My blessed sister-in-law has her second carpal tunnel surgery last week. And in vomitting cat news, our poor Josie is still a shedding allergy ridden mess, just itchy as all get out.

Just when I thought the worst this that could happen to me this month was turning 30...

Quote of the Day:
"Then I win the
I get everything I ever
All the cash
all the fame
and social change."
- Dr. Horrible

Wake Up Call

I have learned by watching Deadliest Catch that being shat upon by a seagull while at sea is good luck. So I couldn't help but wonder this morning if being vomited on while in bed, by a house cat is also good luck. Just maybe? It was only my ninja-like reflexes and judicious use of a duvet cover shield that saved me from a disgustingly soiled face.

Poor Josie cat! It was very clear last night that she didn't feel well. She was very itchy, her face looked puffy to me and she wouldn't stop carrying on. Then there was the poop. Poop on the floor. Very uncharacteristic. She also developed a couple crusty bumps under her coat.

Fast forward to this morning, when I found her drinking from a tiny pool of water in the bathtub. I spotted a completely bald spot on her left shoulder which materialized over night. More carrying on and finally the vomit attack. Thank God Flounder was there to help me remove the offending blanket. I really wouldn't have guessed Josie was capable of creating such a large mess. Yucks!

Saint Flounder stayed home today to take the sick kitty to the vet where it was discovered that she has a bacterial infection. Poor Josie! I can't help but think there must have been something we could have done to prevent it. I just hope she is feeling better by the time I get home tonight.

I really don't want to witness a repeat performance.

Quote of the Day:
I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
-Thomas Jefferson

Apple's Epic Fail

I have been keeping mostly mum for the last week regarding Apple's Epic Fail. I am usually a big Apple cheerleader, an apologist even. For me, Apple can usually do no wrong. I have been a client with a .Mac account for years. As I received Flounder's iPhone when he purchased a new 3G model, I was looking forward to finally having my email, calendar, tunes and everything else in one little one gadget. This is where Apple went very wrong. At the same time that the company rolled out the new 3G iPhone they rolled out MoblieMe, a supposedly new and improved version of their .Mac product. The beauty of MobileMe was the addition of "instant" syncing, over the air, no need to manually update with cables between my various devices. This part of the service would be perfect for me. I had a Palm and later a Treo for years and the primary reason these handhelds we less than optimal stemmed from the need to sync. I was just never able to organize my life and home enough to sync regularly, negating the benefits of a electronic calendar. So in the end I was carrying around a clunky Treo, a paper calendar AND my beloved iPod. So you see why iPhone + MobileMe was meant to = Bliss. Not so my friends. NOT SO!

MobileMe it turns out, was not ready for prime time. Not only are the updates slow, and the interface sluggish, but a very unlucky 1% of customers are currently not able to send or receive mail. In fact they can't even see their previously received mail. I am one of those 1%. The most egregious sin Apple has committed to date is their lack of communication on the issue. I am a paying customer who has not had access to my email for 7 days! Yep, 7 days. I am really disappointed. Like with all Apple products and services, I wanted to embrace MobileMe.

Why Apple, why?

I still love my hand-me-down iPhone, semi-complete as I use Gmail for me current email needs, but I remain disappointed.

Quote of the Day:
“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”
—Randy Pausch

R.I.P. Randy Pausch

Balls!

You love Neil Patrick Harris don't you? And Nathan Fillion, you love him too right? Of course you do. Then why haven't you checked out Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog? Act one of three is up people. These few minutes of entertainment will change your life. Just to it. Click the link!

A Light Breeze

In the immortal words of Annie, "Yesterday was plain awful"! It really sucked, for sure. I was nearly inconsolable by the time I got in the car after work and the evening was a complete wash. My attitude shifted as the night went on. Then I went to bed. I have become a real advocate for the healing power of sleep. Why fret? Let your subconscious mind handle your problems while you sleep!

When I awoke to a sunny morning and cool breezes a little bud of hope was formed. Now back at my desk in the office things are looking a little better, a little brighter and not so sucky.

Sleep is powerful and so are hugs.

Quote of the Day:
"Wisdom is supreme; therefore make a full effort to get wisdom. Esteem her and she will exalt you; embrace her and she will honor you."
- Proverbs 4: 7-8

Another Reason Starbucks Will Rule The World

I am a bit of a brand junkie. I am not into "labels" in a Sex in the City sort of way, but I love a company that knows how to brand themselves consistently and with brillance. Remember that amazing Gap Swing Ad? I was transported!

Then of course there is my love for all things Apple Computers. My devotion to Honest Tea, the list goes on. Long ago, Starbucks captured my heart with their nutty level of uniformity and their red cups. I haven't been frequenting the 'bucks are often as I did in the past since my employer moved our office to a new neighborhood. Our local shop is no longer on my path from the Metro to the office, and let's face it, Gingerbread Latte Season has been over for quite some time. Today I ventured in, and this is what I found:

Has anyone seen this thing before? It is an ingenious little stirrer that also acts as a cap for you hot beverage lid. My mind is blown! I learn after a little googling that these things have been available in Japan as long ago as 2004. It is about freaking time! I have been watching Washingtonians slop hot Starbucks products on their work wear for Years. This market has been calling out for this invention for use on the Metro alone.

Bless you Starbucks. I guess good things come to those who wait.

Quote of the Day:
Among the numerous luxuries of the table...coffee may be considered as one of the most valuable. It excites cheerfulness without intoxication; and the pleasing flow of spirits which it occasions...is never followed by sadness, languor or debility.
-Benjamin Franklin

Some Things Do Not Stand The Test Of Time

I have succumed to many technological advances. The first was the cell phone, followed by my laptop, blogging, TiVo, texting and very recently Facebook (if you can call that a technological advance). Just prior to joining Facebook though, I joined Netflix. I joined not because I hate standing in line at Blockbuster or because I almost never see a film in a Theater anymore that Flounder doesn't want to see as well, but because of peer pressure. My new favorite co-worker shares my taste in film but was horrified by some of the films I hadn't seen like The Notebook & Secretary. Once I signed up I found it very easy to fill the queue with films I had alway meant to watch and others I hadn't seen in ages. Last week The Dark Crystal arrived.

Good Lord is that film terrible. I mean really bad. Who knew that people that brought us The Muppets could display such an awful sense of pacing? I was also stunned by how little I cared about the main characters until I realized that they had dead eyes and no personality. I think Fliven migth kill me for this review, but I can't lie to you. I almost fell asleep. Very Sad.

Come to think of it, a couple of the films I got through Netflix have been less than stellar. The Corpse Bride and The Golden Compass were both disappointing. This is of course not the foult of Netflix. I was pleased by The Illusionist (though The Prestige was better) and Across the Universe. What is still waiting to be watched? I have The Departed and Juno at home right now and another film making it's way to me in a couple days. More to come, including Secretary.

Quote of the Day:
It is my belief that whereas the twentieth century has been a century of war and untold suffering, the twenty-first century should be one of peace and dialogue. As the continued advances in information technology make our world a truly global village, I believe there will come a time when war and armed conflict will be considered an outdated and obsolete method of settling differences among nations and communities.
-Dalai Lama

A Green Thumbs Up

There is a potentially fatal flaw in our plan to rework the front flower beds. I have no gardening skills. Flounder and I mostly know what we don't want. I especially knew I didn't want the azalea bushes that have inhabited the front bed since we moved in. My plan was to chop the bushes down and then dig them out. Being a procrastinator I have been putting this off while researching what I wanted to plant in their stead. I find the creative process to be far more fun than the actual work. While I puttered around Flounder came across a Wanted post on our local Freecycle list. What's this? Some hardy soul is willing to dig out our shrubs and replant them on their own property? Beautiful!

Last night they came, they dug and they left us with a wonderfully empty flower bed just crying out to be planted. Alas this bed will lay empty for at least a couple weeks while we refine our plans but all that bare dirt is very inspiring! Then this morning I realized that not only did we make the convenient choice for us, and the economical choice for our Freecycling-buddies, we also make the Green choice by reusing perfectly good plant life. Hurray! See, being Green doesn't have to be expensive!

Quote of the Day:
You cannot escape the results of your thoughts. Whatever your present environment may be, you will fall, remain or rise with your thoughts, your vision, your ideal. You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration.
-James Allen

Things I Didn't See Coming

This week has been full of surprises! In addition to my Dad's trip to the VA hospital (where he is still recovering, more on that later!) there have been several less important, but none the less surprising things that have gone on this week.

Flounder and I are planning to re-work our front garden. Recently I have become interested in planting a dwarf Japanese maple in the front garden. You know those beautiful delicate trees that grow to be between waist and chest high? That's what I want. While discussing my new found love of the tiny maple with my father in law he mentioned that their maple recently sprouted a sapling that took root in their flower bed and he offered to dig it up for me. How kind! Thank you! I remembered my in-laws have a couple beautiful small maples. Meanwhile Flounder is urging my to consider the placement of the tree. We can't put it too close to the house without risking damage to the foundation. What's the big deal I wonder, it's only a waist high tree. This is the example of where imperfect communication can get you in trouble. We went up to visit this Sunday and I discovered that the trees in question are WAY bigger than I remembered. They are Japanese maples all right, but there is nothing dwarf about them. Change of plan! About a year ago we had to cut down my beloved purple leaved flowering plum tree that lived in the front yard. Anyone know a company that grinds up stumps? We have a baby Maple to plant.

In entertainment news my early teen obsession of broken their years of silence and preformed live on television for the first in at least a decade. Lord help us, it was so bad. I have a loyalty to these guys but for goodness sake! Bless their hearts I do how they get better with additional rehearsal, but my hopes aren't high. Also on Friday, Flounder and I went to see The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. It was like some executive decided that the book was just not epic enough. The result was an overly long film with a extremely forced romance and way more blood shed. Not an improvement over the book. However, there was a bright light in the darkness. Reepicheep the chivalrous, butt-kicking mouse is voiced by Eddie Izzard. Totally unexpected and delightful. I love that character, and I love Mr. Izzard. They are two great things that go great together.

And the final surprising thing I did this weekend? I joined facebook. I know, I can't believe it either! After the waste of time that was friendster and completely refusing to join myspace (I stand by that decision!) I didn't think that facebook was for me. But after two friends mentioned facebook recently I caved. What can I say? I hate to be left out!

Quote of the Day:
The greatest friend of truth is Time, her greatest enemy is Prejudice, and her constant companion is humility.
-Charles Caleb Colton

Hello Stranger!

It is really sad the way I have let this little site of mine languish. There has been tons going on, but so much of it feels really personal and not ripe for sharing. That said there have been a few happenings that are worth mentioning.

Micah is turning 23 this week and that makes me feel very old! He is also investigating becoming a police officer. I have no doubts that he would be a good cop; compasionate, tough and honest. The idea stinks of irony in my mind given the difficulties the legal system has created for him in the past, but I know he can do it well if that's what he wants.

Dad (Micah's bio-Dad, my step-dad) has stopped drinking. It's been two months and I am really happy for him. I am keeping my expectations low given our history but I am just really pleased with the idea of Dad attending Coutrney's (Micah's other sister) impending high school graduation sober. But keep in mind, Dad has been drinking heavily nearly everyday for 30+ years. Since he has gone cold turkey he realized that he actually feel like an 85 year old. 2 years ago at my wedding he had trouble navigating the steps to enter the ceremony. Walking had become increasingly difficult and then last week he was having trouble sleeping and breathing. Then a miracle happened. Dad decided to go see a doctor. Now, Dad hasn't seen a medical professional in many, many years and has no health insurence. The good news is he is a Vet. So to the VA in West Virginia he went with Micah along for support. As you can probably guess he isn't a well man. What we know for sure is that he has congestive heart faliure. There are probably several other things wrong with him as well but I haven't heard news on any of that yet. I don't know how bad it is, or what is going to happen next. I do know that Courtney is graduating soon and I really hope he is there to see it.

I still have optic nerve swelling and I am still on medication to manage it. What I havn't done is lose any weight since the diagnosis which is the number 1 thing I should be doing. I did have a great appointment with a new GP this morning, she is young, spunky and well informed. A far cry from the distracted and quack-ish doc I was seeing previously. Oh, yeah and this one is conveniently located! Like night and day. This office also has an in-house dietician. I think I need to make an appointment.

Did I mention that Mom's Beau (the one who did all that work on our house) is still in jail? What, I didn't tell you about that one? It's a long story that involves too much alcohol and a 100 mph car chase with the cops that ended with Beau in the hospital and then in jail. Yeah.

I took a health class this past semester because I thought I might want to become a nutritionist. I got an A but I am already over the nutrition idea. On to the next thing...
Incidentally, all of you folks who are happy in your work: did you just KNOW what you wanted to do? Or did you trip over it? Just wondering...

And finally, Flounder and I have booked a cruise in October that we are really looking forward to. Western Caribbean on the Disney Cruise Line. I know we don't have kids and stop laughing! We are going to have a great time!

I hope this entry is the start of more frequent blogging for me. I just realized I missed it!

Quote of the Day:
"I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts."
Bethania McKenstry

List-Making 2008

There are few things in life I enjoy more than torturing myself with thoughts of all the things I wish I did but never get around too. I have made many, many lists in my time. How about one more? Let's go!

I wish I...
finished painting the kitchen, and the bathroom. And the of the bathroom. (my that's a lot of unfinished painting!)
actually quilted now and then. I really do enjoy it. And I make good stuff.
drank more water. But then who doesn't?
didn't loath ironing so much.
kept up on music trends. I feel out of touch.
didn't pay so much attention to celebrity gossip. I might have more time for music trends.
had some really nice shoes. Ones that actually fit. And looked nice.

I challenge you to make your own "I wish I" list. It's very freeing. Really.

Radio Silence

My, I have been quiet. I basically been ignoring my blog, which seems to be a general trend among my blogging friends. Why so quiet? Nothing much is going on. Also, it is slowly dawning on me that I tend to share too much of the wrong information. Not just on the blog, but in general. I get excited about some new plan or idea and want to share it. But inevitably the plan either changes mid-stream, doesn't pan out or I lose interest. Then I feel dumb for making a grand pronouncment in the first place. Those who have known me a long time have seen many of these boom and bust cycles. Knowing that whatever exciting plan I am hatching now is likely to fail discourages me from sharing it. Because really, who wants to be that vulnerable? I am not sure I do.

Quote of the Day:
The fact is that child rearing is a long, hard job, the rewards are not always immediately obvious, the work is undervalued, and parents are just as human and almost as vulnerable as their children.
-Benjamin Spock, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care”, first published in 1945

So You Take This Long Needle, And...

Well I am happy to say I still don't have a tumor, but I do have pseudotumor cerebri. After a visit to the neuro-ophthalmologist, and an appointment with a very long thin needle, it's been confirmed. So what does that mean for me? This is one of those really Fun illnesses that the world of medicine doesn't really understand. Great, eh? Instead what they do know is that this disease occurs most often in young overweight women. And that's me! So the treatment involves losing weight and taking a diuretic. The weight loss is meant to reverse the over production or poor drainage (whichever it is, they don't really know) of my cranial fluid, and the diuretic is meant to reduce balance of fluids in my body and decrease my elevated cranial pressure. The lumbar puncture isn't the end of the story, I need to make a follow up appointment to monitor my optic nerve swelling (which is created by the heightened cranial pressure). If left unmonitored or untreated it could permanently impair my vision. Of course, that won't be the path I will take.

However, I am really concerned. The primary treatment for my condition is weight loss, which just happens to be the area in my life where I struggle the most. At the moment I am doing Weight Watchers, and I am headed to the gym in my office. But I don't know what to do honestly. I have tried many programs and plans over the years -- plans radical, hair brained and sensible. I am clearly missing something of else I would happily be a healthy weight right now. So what's wrong? That's what I plan to find out.

So stay tuned for more weight loss angst, health excitement and a surprise this Spring semester that will appear to come from left field. Hold tight!

Quote of the Day:
Fear is a question: What are you afraid of, and why? Just as the seed of health is in illness, because illness contains information, our fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if we explore them.
-Marilyn Ferguson

"It's Not A Tumor" Said Arnold-style

The MRI scan was an exciting test of endurance -- 40 minutes in a tube of coffin-like dimensions, with my eyes closed, trying not to cough (despite my head cold). It could have been worse, I guess. The results show that I am brain tumor free, which is excellent news. Now it is off to the Neurologist for an exam and a very exciting spinal tap, or as they say on House, Lumbar puncture! You can imagine that I am thrilled, THRILLED! Flounder has taken the 16th off to accompany me to my appointment and will surely be there to hold my hand. Wish me luck!

In association with the optic nerve swelling, I have started to have some really fun headaches. I am stocking up on pain killers and hoping for the best!

Quote of the Day:
Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; its when you had everything to do, and you've done it.
-Margaret Thatcher